Fifteen

Issue date: 12/8/09 Section: Ask Alfred

The Sloanmeister himself

1.
Hey Alf,
As part of the inaugural batch of MFin students, I feel the Sloan community has not given us our dues. We are the raw intellectual horsepower that puts 'quant' rightly back at the top of the MIT Sloan pedestal. So when we have to do our finance projects with the other assorted paraphernalia of Sloan, I feel much maligned by my fellow team mates. When I tell them to do something this way or that, they bark right back at me and don't give me time of day. I have tried so industriously to instruct them on the error of their ways and put them back on the right path. They just don't believe in teamwork. Can't they see their folly and respect the sheer magnitude of our cerebral cortex?

MFin in Mourning

Dear Mourning,
Ah, I understand your grouse well. Just as the callow adolescents have to adhere to the undergraduate hierarchy, so too must the slightly less sprightly youths of my namesake institution.
So let's be clear. Top of the heap are the Sloan Fellows. With their judicious business acumen and salubrious corporate experience, they're top dog in any situation or team. Who needs academic merit when they're going to rule the corporate roost and callously unleash that all-nighter on you as your inevitable boss?
Then come the MBA punks. Although stiffened by the haughtiness of numbers, they're the undoubted lifeblood that keeps the bacchanalia of Sloan flowing. Just don't get them on the subject of the Sloan Fellows, and they'll revel in the illusion of supremacy.
Alas, young sir, that leaves you squarely at that most undesirable of positions. Right at the bottom. I know, I know, you guys are the supposed brains straight out from the undergrad jungle, but, frankly, we have the PhDs to step right up to that podium. So, life's tough, what can I say.
Then again, as heard from a fellow wise man, 'if you've been playing poker for a while and still don't know who the patsy is, you're the patsy'. Perhaps you should look squarely in the mirror when trying to understand the failure of your team dynamics.

Livin' it large,
Alfred P. Sloan





2.
Alfie darling,
Alas, I have lost that fine doyen of filthy riches from that most pedigree of institutions. I thought I saw that distinct look of love in his aquiline eyes as he cooed and fawned over me. Little did I realize that look of rapture came from peering over my shoulder to the gargantuan mirror hanging behind.

Continued...

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